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Friday, April 4, 2014

43 Online Dating Clichés, Defined

Because what do they really mean?

1. I love laughing = I'm human.

2. I like to stay in with a glass of wine and a DVD = I do things that humans do.

3. I'm a bit crazy = this one time, I stayed up until 12.30!

4. "Work Hard, Play Harder" = sometimes I go to the pub on a weeknight.

5. People notice my eyes = I have eyes.

6. I love travelling = I took a Gap Year.

7. I love travelling and want to go again = I took a Gap Year and haven't got a job yet.

8. I'm new to this = I look down on people doing online dating.

9. My friends say I'm… = ...trying to hide the fact I'm bragging.

10. I love exploring the city = I'd like to start going to a different bar.

11. I like going out and staying in = I'm a bit bored.

12. I like walks in the park, watching movies and going to the pub on Sunday for roast dinner = I'm very bored.

13. I'm a gym rat = I want to bond over protein powder.

14. I work a lot = I literally don't do anything else.

15. Looking for someone who's active = looking for someone who's thin.

16. Looking for my partner in crime = MY FRIENDS CALL ME 'DANGER' (no they don't).

17. Looking for some good banter = I think insults are a substitute for conversation.

18. Looking for my knight in shining armour = would rather not work in the future.

19. My friends (and family) are really important to me = I go home a lot.

20. Don't contact me if you can't use "your" and "you're" = I think I'm probably more intelligent than you.

21. My life is amazing = I'd like to talk to you about my job.

22. I don't really know what to write = I'm just now realising that I'm not very interesting.

23. I don't care what you think = please don't judge me.

24. I don't watch television = I watch Netflix instead.

25. I'm down to earth = I approve of gravity.

26. Looking to make friends = I think everyone is only online to have sex, and I'm scared.

27. Drama-free = I have drama.

28. No baggage, please! = I have a lot of baggage.

29. I love hanging out with my friends = mainly, I drink.

30. "Hello, ladies" = I own at least two fedoras.

31. I'm a nice guy = I own at least three fedoras.

32. I don't take life too seriously = I don't make much effort.

33. I'm easy-going = I don't make much effort.

34. I'm bubbly = I'm loud.

35. I'm really funny = I repeat jokes that other people say.

36. I'm very sarcastic = I don't really understand humour.

37. I'm not good at writing about myself = I'm hiding the effort I put into this.

38. I have wide tastes in music = I'm not that into music.

39. I like all music (except rap) = I'm white.

40. I changed my hair since my pictures = it's not me in my pictures.

41. My favourite author is Murakami = I've never read any Murakami.

42. Love to have fun = I'm running out of things to say.

43. I love life = I'm totally out of things to say.

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