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Friday, April 4, 2014

43 Online Dating Clichés, Defined

Because what do they really mean?



1. I love laughing = I'm human.


2. I like to stay in with a glass of wine and a DVD = I do things that humans do.


3. I'm a bit crazy = this one time, I stayed up until 12.30!


4. "Work Hard, Play Harder" = sometimes I go to the pub on a weeknight.


5. People notice my eyes = I have eyes.


6. I love travelling = I took a Gap Year.


7. I love travelling and want to go again = I took a Gap Year and haven't got a job yet.


8. I'm new to this = I look down on people doing online dating.


9. My friends say I'm… = ...trying to hide the fact I'm bragging.


10. I love exploring the city = I'd like to start going to a different bar.


11. I like going out and staying in = I'm a bit bored.


12. I like walks in the park, watching movies and going to the pub on Sunday for roast dinner = I'm very bored.


13. I'm a gym rat = I want to bond over protein powder.


14. I work a lot = I literally don't do anything else.


15. Looking for someone who's active = looking for someone who's thin.


16. Looking for my partner in crime = MY FRIENDS CALL ME 'DANGER' (no they don't).


17. Looking for some good banter = I think insults are a substitute for conversation.


18. Looking for my knight in shining armour = would rather not work in the future.


19. My friends (and family) are really important to me = I go home a lot.


20. Don't contact me if you can't use "your" and "you're" = I think I'm probably more intelligent than you.


21. My life is amazing = I'd like to talk to you about my job.


22. I don't really know what to write = I'm just now realising that I'm not very interesting.


23. I don't care what you think = please don't judge me.


24. I don't watch television = I watch Netflix instead.


25. I'm down to earth = I approve of gravity.


26. Looking to make friends = I think everyone is only online to have sex, and I'm scared.


27. Drama-free = I have drama.


28. No baggage, please! = I have a lot of baggage.


29. I love hanging out with my friends = mainly, I drink.


30. "Hello, ladies" = I own at least two fedoras.


31. I'm a nice guy = I own at least three fedoras.


32. I don't take life too seriously = I don't make much effort.


33. I'm easy-going = I don't make much effort.


34. I'm bubbly = I'm loud.


35. I'm really funny = I repeat jokes that other people say.


36. I'm very sarcastic = I don't really understand humour.


37. I'm not good at writing about myself = I'm hiding the effort I put into this.


38. I have wide tastes in music = I'm not that into music.


39. I like all music (except rap) = I'm white.


40. I changed my hair since my pictures = it's not me in my pictures.


41. My favourite author is Murakami = I've never read any Murakami.


42. Love to have fun = I'm running out of things to say.


43. I love life = I'm totally out of things to say.




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