. Welcome to the Brutal Buzz, I am IndieVisible and will be your host.
Farewell, Ben from Tinder. I’ll never regret that right swipe.
Chris Ritter/BuzzFeed
Did that cute guy from the gym suddenly stop responding to your texts? Your latest Tinder match never showed up to your first date? The clearest explanation for the sudden, inexplicable disappearance of our crushes is that they died. No — they didn't really die, but for your purposes, they are no longer living with us on this earth. Here, some obituaries to honor those with whom I exchanged brief, sometimes perfunctory flirtations.
Chris Ritter/BuzzFeed
Ben, guy from Tinder, approx. 1985–Jan. 9, 2014. He looked tall in pictures and had an affinity for posing with small animals. He claimed to have some kind of job with organic farmers in Brooklyn and preferred his old Bed-Stuy neighborhood to his new place in Greenpoint. He had roommates. He loved French existential plays and youth theatre. He is survived by a sister and brother-in-law, and possibly parents.
Sam, guy from work, 1986–August 2013. He loved his piano and stacking pretentious books on top it, with the exception of a few Kant books he left on his coffee table so they could not be missed. He never quite perfected the art of the booty-call text, but gave it his best effort on a bimonthly basis. He is survived by a sister and parents in Texas and some friends who were assumed to like him.
Mike, guy from kickball, 1984–December 2013. He wore inappropriate shoes once to kickball. He loved to play flip cup after every game and was OK at it while mostly sober. Based on his frequent use of the N train, he lived in either downtown Manhattan or Astoria. He most likely worked in finance. He is survived by one or two siblings and parents somewhere in Virginia and a championship-winning kickball team.
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