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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Michigan GOP Official Fatally Shoots Herself Adjusting Bra Holster

Christina Bond

Local authorities are only just learning as of this week that an elected Republican official – 55-year-old Berrien county resident, Christina Bond — died by accidentally shooting herself in the eye on New Year’s Day, apparently while adjusting her bra holster, according to St. Joseph Public Safety officers.

The news of the unfortunate circumstance that claimed Bond’s life was released Wednesday, although a full autopsy has yet to be completed.

Director of St. Joseph Public Safety Mark Chapp stated:

She was having trouble adjusting her bra holster, couldn’t get it to fit the way she wanted it to. She was looking down at it and accidentally discharged the weapon.

Why the gun would have been positioned upward, toward her eyes, is anyone’s guess.

An obituary issued by Florin Funeral Service states that Bond enlisted in the U.S. Navy straight out of high school. She served as an active MP for two terms. Later, she became an administrator in the Road to Life Church and motored her way to the pearly gates as “an active member of the Christian Motorcycle Association.” She was said to be “on FIRE for the LORD.”

And, you know, it’s pretty well known the Lord never left the fluffy clouds of heaven without a nice d*ck holster tucked beneath “His” robes, so Bond was not too far off the mark from “His” image. Image is everything after all, isn’t it?

When she wasn’t busy policing sailors, running a church, or riding in the Lord’s motorcycle gang, Bond found time to win an election as the Saint Joseph Charter Precinct 1’s Republican Precinct Delegate. Bond wrote after winning her election late last summer:

This was a great experience! What I learned is that we need more people involved in taking our country back and it starts at home with everyday people who care, and I believe we all care. So let’s do it!!

All in all, Bond fit right into the ‘Merican Delusion Dream quite well before that fateful New Year’s Day.

Bond’s Facebook page underlines just what a good old fearful ‘Merican she was, and perhaps that’s what led her into the gun culture in the first place. Her page is chock-full of GOP rhetoric and Bible verses. There, one can find anything from complaints about (guess who?) President Barack Obama, to gripes about Common Core education, to misguided perceptions of the demonstrators in Ferguson, Missouri, referring to them as if they are merely malicious rioters. For example, one post reads:

Here’s the most critical evasive driving tactic to avoid getting swarmed and killed in a riot.

Who knows, really, what drives one to not simply be a gun owner, but to be one who has to have one on their person at all times, even strapped between her breasts, close to the heart.

If we can learn anything from Bond’s senseless fate, it’s that the United States keeping guns too close to its heart is bad for our health. In fact, it can be downright blinding. This is not to say that guns are bad, or that all gun owners are nitwits by any means, but simply that we must get a grip on our fears and on our overzealous natures for power before things slip so far out of place we can no longer see that this country is going hell in a handbasket, and like Bond’s death – senseless, in the blink of an eye

H/T: | Featured image: via Facebook via

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