. Welcome to the Brutal Buzz, I am IndieVisible and will be your host.
RIP all the things that made life fun.
Zima:
As of 2008, we've been mourning this brave pioneer of the "alcopop" beverage. Zima was all the rage in the mid- and late '90s, and a favorite amongst hard liquor-phobic youth; a gateway beverage, if you will. Also it was super ~ kewl ~ because it was CLEAR, you guys. If you have an upcoming trip to Japan, though, you might be able to get your grubby little mitts on a bottle of this, since it's still sold there.
Four Loko (with caffeine):
Perhaps the most publicized booze death of recent times, Four Loko still exists, but merely as a shell of the drink it once was. Sans caffeine since 2010, it's basically just super-sugary, poison-y tasting malt liquor. A number of deaths and accidents were said to be associated with Four Loko, though, so it's probably for the best.
Cantaloupe2 / Creative Commons / Via en.wikipedia.org
Joose (with caffeine):
Same sad story as Four Loko — it also lost the caffeine kick in 2010 — except there was just something...dirtier about Joose. It was also, like, 50 cents cheaper.
IToo Good / Creative Commons / Via en.wikipedia.org
Sparks — and my personal favorite, Sparks Plus — with caffeine:
Arguably the most tragic casualty of the great "energy malt beverage" eradication, Sparks was the OG, and it didn't try to entice youths with a palate-insulting fruit-juice(ish) flavor. You loved Sparks for what it was, and what it was proud of being: a drink that tasted like poisonous Red Bull and simultaneously got you wasted and provided effects similar to cocaine for under $3. Caffeine was removed from the product in early 2009, so now it just tastes like poison and gets you wasted, which is still kind of cool, I guess.
English836 / Creative Commons / Via en.wikipedia.org
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