. Welcome to the Brutal Buzz, I am IndieVisible and will be your host.
As the latest Mercury Retrograde draws to a close, a look back at whether it was so atrocious after all. (It was.)
For the past three weeks of Mercury Retrograde, I kept a daily journal, assigning each day a "Retrograde Rating," with 0 as the least Retrograde-y (i.e. the least terrible) and 10 being the MOST Retrograde-y (i.e. so bad it is almost unbelievable). That journal, with added testimony from coworkers and friends, is below.
Thursday, February 6
All day I feel crazy (LITERALLY CRAZY) and am not sure why. I listen to Nicki Minaj's "Boss Ass Bitch" 5-7 times in a row. I'm really annoyed all day, but in a way that borders on hysteria, so I giggle a lot. In the afternoon, the discovery comes to me, via Twitter: Mercury Retrograde has begun. Everything makes sense now.
Retrograde Rating: 7
Friday, February 7
My notes say "sad feelings." Several of the emails I send on this day appear partly in green text. This is a mystery to me, and also a little embarrassing.
Retrograde Rating: 9
Saturday, February 8
Around 2:00, a friend of mine tweets that she is bored and wants to get a tattoo. I reply that I'll go with her sometime soon. Our mutual friend jumps in and says, "You guys should go TODAY." I don't have any other plans (ugh), so I decide to get something permanently drawn on my body that I had no intention of getting earlier the same day. This uncharacteristic bravado feels planetary. We make appointments for 8:00, and I go first, and get a four-inch lighthouse on my back. It doesn't hurt as much as I remember my first tattoo hurting. I text my parents to tell them and my dad suggests that I should have just gotten a t-shirt with a lighthouse on it if I like lighthouses so much.
Retrograde Rating: 3
Sunday, February 9
On Sunday mornings I talk to my best friend on the phone. Toward the end of our 90 minute conversation, after she has told me about this horrible guy she was briefly seeing, I tell her that Mercury is in retrograde. "I didn't know that," she says. "I have been feeling so horrible and I'm not even getting my period."
"It's because of Mercury," I say.
"I guess so," she says. "I am glad I now know who to blame."
Retrograde Rating: 5
Monday, February 10
My mom emails me to say that my tattoo, which she saw on Instagram, is a lot bigger than she thought by how I described it. "I guess you won't be able to cover it up all of the time," she writes, "but I guess you aren't worried about that."
My notes say "General shittiness." Sour Patch Kids consumed: upwards of 30.
I spend half an hour on the phone with Time Warner, who the week previous told me my internet problems weren't their fault, it was the router's fault. Over the weekend the router people said it wasn't their fault, it was Time Warner's fault. Tonight when I call Time Warner the woman I speak to says it's them. They can send someone out to fix our internet. In a week.
Retrograde Rating: 9
Tuesday, February 11
I order some books online, which is good because the stack of unread books I already have on my floor could be bigger. Both of my friends whom I asked to get lunch with me said no. One of them is leaving for vacation tomorrow and says she "has to go buy bug spray." Sure.
Representative Gchat Dialogue, 11:52 AM: "I need to leave the country I think"
Retrograde Rating: 7
Wednesday, February 12
The morning is good because I talk to a friend about nail art. After lunch I feel like falling asleep and also maybe crying. I spend a little bit reading the Wikipedia page for the Majestic 12, which normally cheers me up. Today it does not.
My notes say: "I CANNOT FOCUS WTF IS GOING ON I AM JUST LISTENING TO ANGRY GIRL ROCK FROM THE EARLY AUGHTS"
Retrograde Rating: 7
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