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Thursday, April 10, 2014

How To Eat Every Item On The Masters Concession Menu In One Day Without Dying

It costs $53 to get one of everything, but you can’t put a price on your dignity.



Via Twitter: @AshleyKMayo


If the Masters and Augusta National are known for anything, it's preserving tradition. Tradition makes the annual major tournament one of the prestigious events in sports — and one of the most controversial. But despite its politics, a ticket to the Masters remains one of the hardest for sports fans to get ahold of, often costing "patrons," as they're called, upwards of $3,000 online.


Inside the gates, though, prices plummet drastically. Unlike most sporting events, where concessions vendors gouge captive spectators with $9 Bud Lights and $15 deli sandwiches, it's widely noted inside Augusta's walls that attendees could order everything on the menu and spend no more than $60. The famous pimento cheese sandwich costs $1.50.


Yesterday, as one of the lucky few at the Masters, I decided to put this to the test. My goal: TO CONSUME EVERY ITEM ON THE CONCESSIONS MENU IN ONE DAY WITHOUT DYING/VOMITING/GETTING EJECTED FOR UPSETTING OTHER PATRONS WITH MY UNCONTROLLED "MEAT SWEATS."


Note: Since the tournament does not allow any cameras or phones, receipts will be my evidence. I promise any and all items listed here were consumed by me during Saturday's round.


10:01 a.m.: Chicken Sandwich, Sausage Biscuit, Coffee: $6.00


10:01 a.m.: Chicken Sandwich, Sausage Biscuit, Coffee: $6.00


An auspicious start to the day. Breakfast at the Masters ends promptly (as all things do at Augusta) at 10 a.m. Get to the course too late, and you're done before you've started. Panicked, I barreled through the gates with minutes to spare, walking with purpose (there is absolutely NO RUNNING ALLOWED on the grounds) and made it to breakfast. The spoils: a pretty standard sausage patty on a flavorless biscuit, a startlingly cold chicken patty sandwich, and one Masters blend coffee. REVIEW: An unremarkable meal all around, made somewhat sweeter by almost missing out. ADRENALINE MAKES EVERYTHING TASTE BETTER.




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