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Friday, April 11, 2014

24 Minor Superpowers Every New Yorker Needs

I’m in a New York state of please move your stroller.

Alanna Okun

1. The ability to leap up crowded stairs in a single bound and catch the subway before it pulls away.

2. Infallible Empty Subway Seat Detection™

3. The ability to muffle all busker noise and only hear the person you're talking to.

4. A signal jammer that always causes the Chipotle checkout person to forget to charge you for guac.

5. ESP that allows you to detect, in advance, whether a hot person lives too far away from you to consider dating.

Alanna Okun

6. The ability to always fix your own internet by just unplugging and restarting the router, without having to call Time Warner ever.

7. Whenever you have to pee, no matter where you are, a Starbucks shall appear before you, and lo, there will be no line.

8. Bed bugs fear you, mice dare not speak your name, and cockroaches shrivel and evaporate in your presence.

9. The ability to make grocery bags float effortlessly back to your apartment.

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